Being born privileged and being born poor

 I just got back to my house from our 1 year in country celebration in the south and there’s a bunch of chicken feathers in the middle of my living room. What the heck? I know chickens stroll about my house when I’m there and all my doors are open, but those definitely weren’t there when I left and my house has been locked up this whole time. At least I hope it was! Anyways, we had a 1 year celebration at Bahia de las Aguillas near the border of Haiti, it was a blast. A normal person would have a ton of pictures of the beautiful beach and all their friends to share with everyone….but I don’t. I had my camera with me though! That’s a good first step, right? One day I’ll become a picture taker type of person.

After lounging on the beach with my friends, I went to visit my best friend Lauren’s batey. Lauren lives in the east in a batey named Monte Coca. To clarify, a batey is a place sort of like my site, but they grow sugar cane and there’s more of a Haitian population there than most communities in the DR. It’s always interesting to visit other volunteers and see how they live and compare it to how you live. For example, I live in a community of 8,000 people and she lives in a community of 300 people. She knew everyone in her site and everyone knew her, and she seemed very well integrated. We sat at a lot of families’ houses and talked. I feel like I know a ton of people, but it’s such a big site that it’s hard to feel super integrated. On the flip side, because she lives in such a small community, people tend to talk about her more and criticize her whereas I get that a bit less than she does. We’ve all got our pros and cons!

On Sunday, we did a Chicas Brillantes charla in the batey next to where she lived named Construccion. Lauren had warned me that it was a bit poorer than the normal type of poor that we live in. I wasn’t really prepared for what I saw, and you know that’s pretty bad when a Peace Corps Volunteer is taken aback by a really poor community. There were only barracks for housing, and large amounts of people lived in one tiny room. There was hardly any vegetation, just dust and mud. Mostly everyone was wearing dirty/old clothing, and seemed very dirty themselves. Something about the Dominican culture is that they hate being dirty and bathe about twice a day, and they like to look presentable no matter their situation, so that was very different to see. I’m not sure how else to explain the community, but I remember just feeling grateful for my campo. I kept thinking about how much grass and trees I have in my site, how I have my own little, kind of crappy, wooden house to myself, and how at least some people in my community have a job, even if it is driving a moto or working on a farm. Then I was watching the little kids playing with some sticks/trash and felt overwhelming guilty about my childhood. Here was my thought processs: “I had a freaking POOL when I was a kid, I can’t believe how spoiled I was. AND I went to college! Do you think these kids know how poor they are? Do you think they know what else is out there? Do you think they know that they’ve been jipped when it comes to privilege and opportunities in life? I wonder if it’s possible for any of them to get out of here and make something of a life for themselves.”

After we left the batey, Lauren and I engaged in a conversation about poverty and being born privileged. I expressed my anger at the Dominican government for letting its people live like that. I said, “If Danilo (the DR president) came to that place and saw how his people were living, he would be ashamed of himself” and Lauren said he wouldn’t because “those weren’t his people”. I asked what she meant and she said “most of those people were Haitian and Dominicans don’t care about Haitians”. Which is absolutely true, the racism against Haitians here is incredible. Her point just made the situation even worse, because it probably doesn’t necessarily have to be like that for them, but it is because they’re Haitian. Most of them are probably undocumented, making it impossible to get jobs, own land, go to school, etc.

Being born privileged and being born poor is literally like picking pieces of paper out of a hat. It’s totally random, no one has control of the situation they are given, and there’s nothing no one did to deserve what they got. To me, it’s ok to spend some time feeling bad about being privileged. I need to feel bad to remind myself of what I was born with and what I have now, but not so bad as to let opportunities pass me by. I know my parents worked really hard to give me what they didn’t have, and I need to feel grateful for it but not feel bad about taking advantage of it. It’s quite the balance of feelings. No matter what, I’ve realized that doing what I’m doing now has given me an immense amount of perspective that I couldn’t have gained doing anything else. And that, in itself, is something to be grateful for.

September 21st

It is currently September 21^st, and I’m hardcore chillin in my hammock. This thing was the best thing I packed- it’s the Peace Corps version of a couch. Woke up today at 7 am, took my dog for a walk (more on her later) spent about half an hour bringing buckets of water back and forth to my house, ate breakfast, read a little bit, and here I am. Nothing noteworthy has happened recently, so I’ll catch you up on my life this past year and my feelings about la Republica Dominicana. 

First- here’s an update on the work I’m doing. I had explained in my prior post my projects before I left for America, but I made a point to finish those before I was gone for a long period of time because they would never pick back up when I came back. Right now I have a boys group, I’m starting a new program called “Somos Familia” and I’m working on a new round of “Deportes para la Vida” groups.

 As for secondary projects, I have solicited an organization called “Courts for Kids”, in which we raise money for a court and a group of Americans come to my community for 3-4 days and we build the court with people from my community. I haven’t officially gotten approved yet, but a representative from the organization is coming to La Ceiba to check out my site and the specific land I have planned. Fingers crossed it all goes well, it would be an amazing project for myself and my community!

Another big project I’m trying to take on is to fix a bus that used to go through my community that took kids to the university. When I was doing my community diagnostic back in November, I found that there was a very large amount of youth 18 and up that didn’t attend the university. When I asked why, I was told that even though La Ceiba is geographically close to the capital, it takes a very long time and is expensive to get to the university. I can definitely back that up, I’m usually exhausted by the time I get to the capital. Between finding/riding a motorcycle, waiting 30 mins for a packed bus, riding that packed bus for 45 mins, riding a packed metro for 30 mins, then walking about 20 minutes to the peace corps office, it’s almost 2 hours later and I’m sweaty and ready for a nap. People also aren’t able to take night classes because there are no busses that come back to my community past 7:30 pm, and it’s dangerous to take a moto or a car that late at night. But last week I was talking to a friend in my community and she told me that about 2 years ago there used to be a bus that ran through La Ceiba from 6 am to 10 pm and took people directly to the university quickly and cheaply, but it broke down. I asked where the bus was now and she said it’s just sitting in the next city over. I’m in the process of finding the owner of the bus, but it’s been really hard. And even when I do eventually find him, it’s going to be difficult to convince him to go along with my project, raise the funds, find a driver, etc. It’s a great idea in theory, but I’m going to need a lot of help and compliance from Dominicans, which is hard to find. But if successful, it would be a project that would change a lot of lives by making it easier to obtain a university education. If anyone wants to help in a monetary fashion for either of these projects, let me know J it’s greatly needed!

Now that you’re up to speed about my official duties as a Peace Corps Volunteer, I can share my feelings about living here for over a year now. It’s definitely been a rollercoaster of emotions. Some days I’m so happy to be here, living an abnormal life, learning a new language and doing work that really matters and will last a lifetime. But other days I yearn for familiarity, the easiness of America and the company of my friends and family. Sometimes just the ups and downs of how I feel about this place is exhausting. One day I’m on cloud 9 when one of my girls tells me how I changed her life just by starting and organizing a volleyball team, and the next day I want to pack my bags and get out of here when I’m sexually harassed by countless men just by walking my dog. In my pajamas. I never know what kind of day I’ll have.

Throughout all the good and bad times I’ve had this past year, not much compared to the month of August. I had prepared myself to go through the quickest, most painless readjustment period I could go through when I returned from the states, but I had no idea what I was talking about. I remember telling my mom on the phone the week before I got home, “Mom, it’ll be fine. I’m happy here and I know what it’s like so it won’t be a surprise when I get back. Relax!” But I was wrong. Of course I knew what it was like living in a campo in the DR, but what I had forgotten was how awesome it was in America. Yes the amenities were nice, but the thing I didn’t realize I had missed the most was feeling truly comfortable and relaxed. I was having conversation I was enjoying (and that I wasn’t excluded from because I can’t speak Spanish at the speed a group of Dominican ladies can), my mind didn’t have to work to translate what someone was saying to me, and then formulate a response in English and translate it back in Spanish, and I could easily just enjoy the company of people I have missed for a very long time. When I arrived in Miami to see Meghan, I unexpectedly slept for a good amount of the time I was there. I wasn’t even tired, but when I was in a dark, quiet, climate controlled room and I had just stuffed myself with pizza, I was out like a light. Her boyfriend said “Geez, it’s like you haven’t slept in a year! Oh wait….” Yes, it’s exactly like I haven’t slept in a year! When I came back to the DR I just kind of stood in my house and looked around and realized it was going to be tough getting used to all of it again for another whole year. It was amazing to realize how used to living in 3^rd world poverty I was, how I didn’t think twice about all the weird things I did- carrying buckets of water, going to the bathroom out in the woods in a hole in the ground, bucket bathing, electricity for only a couple hours a day, killing tarantulas, etc. To make the adjustment period even worse, a tropical storm came my 1^st weekend back and broke our electricity for about a month. No electricity means no water, no charged computer or phone, and no fan. I mean, I only had it a couple hours a day anyway- but those were an important couple of hours. I could only bathe every couple days, I couldn’t wash my dishes (maggots grew on them) and I wore dirty clothes. I kind of just opened all my doors and windows and laid on my floor and read books. The electricity poles have finally been fixed, and let me tell you, I have never been more grateful for the few hours we have a day. It’s funny how even the littlest thing can get taken away and I can now realize how appreciative I am for it, instead of complaining when it goes out. These life lessons just keep coming!

The Dominican culture has also been a huge hurdle to overcome. I have never met anyone in America that even resembles a Dominican. They’re the type of people who do something nice and come to my house to bring me lunch or a bucket of water to bathe with, then criticize me on how pale I am or how I don’t leave my house enough, etc. They have “I love Jesus” or “Christ saves” banners on their cars, but then try to rip me off because I’m American.  Once a woman paid me a nice compliment, but then nearly knocked me over pushing me aside to get to be the first on the metro. They’re the nicest, most inconsiderate people. It makes sense, trust me. They will help me in any way possible if I have a problem, but they won’t think twice about making a bad comment about my appearance or my Spanish. It drives me crazy! Luckily, I have a host family that is amazing and supports me in every way possible. They did call me “gordita” once, but I took it as a compliment. Rice and beans all day, baby!

Professionally, it’s definitely a challenge. Meeting starts at 2, they trickle in around 3 and we don’t start until 3:30. Cell phones ring, they take the call in the middle of the presentation and talk over me. If it rains, no one comes. Then no one comes to the next meeting because no one came to the last one, and I have to go to their houses and remind them that the program is still running. I had a 2 day conference and I was taking 2 Dominicans. I reminded them once a week about the conference, and went to each of their houses about 5 days before to confirm their assistance and to tell them what to bring. The night before we leave I get a text from one of them saying they simply “can’t go anymore” and that’s it. I go to their houses to demand a reason and one says he has to work and the other one just didn’t feel like it anymore. Times like these make me question my presence here. Why am I doing all this if they don’t seem to care about my work? But then I just have to realize that this is their culture, it’s not personal. They’ve never really had to be anywhere at a specific time, pay attention without talking, or keep their word about something they committed to. They’re not going to change what they’ve been doing their entire lives just because some white girl does things differently. If I want to be successful here, I need to be patient and pick and choose what I let bother me. It’s all worth it when I hear people in my presentations speaking their minds about gender inequality or teenage pregnancy, even if they were an hour late :)

Saludos!

Saludos! So, it’s been about a year since my last blog post. Before you judge, let me explain! So the laptop that I came into country with is no longer in existence. Well, it is but it’s of no use- a big power surge came through and blew out both my surge protector AND my laptop right around the time of my last blog post. I was pretty devastated when I went to go turn it on and it was completely fried. So for a while I was laptop-less. Then, a couple months later around January I got a new one, yay! But then I found myself way too poor to put Microsoft Word on it. But now, a whole year later, I am equipped with a working laptop and Microsoft Office! Woah! No excuses now. I even have a camera now to entertain you beautiful people with some pictures, if you’re lucky. Time for some updatez:

August 21^st was my official one year of living abroad! It seemed so surreal when the day rolled around, I did a lot of reflecting on what I’ve been through the past year. Even just thinking about it now kind of overwhelms me, so much happened! The evolution of my Spanish speaking skills, acclimating to my permanent host family and community, living in 3^rd world poverty, integrating into Dominican customs and culture, maintaining youth groups and projects, dealing with loneliness and relationships with Dominicans, becoming close to my Peace Corps volunteer friends, etc. It has been an absolute amazing year of a lot of ups and a lot of downs, but one thing is for sure- I have changed in an inexplicable way, as I was told I would. Even if I were to leave and return back to the states tomorrow, I wouldn’t be the same. The patience, humbleness and gratitude I have developed will stay with me for as long as I live. And I can’t wait to see what Peace Corps year 2 brings me!

What I have been doing in my community: the first 3 months from November to February was doing a community diagnostic, which consists of going around my community and conducting interviews asking questions about education, health, programs, religion, jobs, etc. In that time I also taught a youth and adult English class and started a girls’ volleyball team. I still have the volleyball team to this day, going strong! In the first week of February we had a 3 day conference where we had to present our findings for about 30 minutes in front of everyone—in Spanish. I would have been nervous to present to a whole room of people in English, never mind Spanish. The day was quite nerve racking but I got through it and actually did well! From February to July I did a slew of things. I went to camps with Dominicans where we were trained on how to carry out specific programs, then started and maintained them. I had a Chicas Brillantes group and two Deportes para la Vida groups, while continuing with my girls’ volleyball team. My Chicas group focuses of female growth and empowerment and the DPV group focuses of HIV awareness and sexual health. I graduated all these groups right before I left for America in July! Right now I am having a Chicos group (same as chicas but with boys) and I will be starting a Somos Familia group next week, along with another secondary project. Exciting stuff, more on them as they progress!

Ahhh Estados Unidos, my trip to America. It was definitely interesting. I think I ate everything while I was there. You people have no idea the caliber of food you have available to you! And the water….it’s cold when you want to drink it and it’s hot when you want to bathe in it. Not the other way around. And it like…..comes from the wall. It’s clean and you don’t have to wait in line and carry it in buckets to and from your house. What is this?! And it’s so quiet there, I slept without earplugs! This thing called internet is available 24/7, which is weird and was kind of annoying when my friend’s faces were buried in their iPhone when we talked or when they were driving. I mean, come on. But enough about that stuff, you all know those things. The most interesting thing was seeing how my relationships with people evolved and how I viewed my friends through my new eyes. Mostly everything was fine (aside from some 1^st world complaining) but the thing that bothered me most was when people I considered my good friends didn’t ask me one question about my life in Peace Corps. We would go to dinner and talk about old times, relationships with boys, their jobs—but not one question about the weird, abnormal life I lead. Not even about what kind of volunteer I am! Not to toot my own horn, but if one of my friends lived overseas in a 3^rd world country for the past year, I would want to pick their brain. And don’t get me wrong, A LOT of people that I loved and cared about did, and I was so SO happy to appease their curiosity and answer every single question they had (Meghan Duncan J) but it was disappointing sometimes when some people I’ve been friends with for years didn’t ask me one thing. I was told by older volunteers that would happen before I left, so I guess it’s not uncommon. Aside from that, it was so amazing to see everyone, enjoy amenities and speak some English. When I got back, it was a bit of a rough readjustment period. The first couple days I just kept saying to myself, “How do people live like this?! Better question, how have I been living like this for a year??!” It also didn’t help that a tropical storm hit the weekend I got back and the electricity and water was out for almost a month! It took a couple weeks but I am back to being a badass, used to everything again J but I do still yearn for those hot showers. October 2015, I’ll be waiting for you!

I won’t write a novel right now so you guys stay interested for the next post, I promise they will become a regular thing! Thanks for reading!